Ahhh Valentine's Day.
Some call it a Hallmark holiday, some truly enjoy the romantic essence of the day.
I acknowledge both sides. I see it as a great way for businesses to increase their sales. And I also see it as a time to pause and express gratitude to your special one.
Either way, as individuals we get to choose how we wish to view Valentine's Day. We can choose to celebrate in whatever way feels right for us. Yes, there is certainly outer pressure to buy your lady flowers and chocolates, and maybe to cook your man dinner.
But who really cares about these cultural expectations?
If you don't follow them, who comes to get you? Who slaps you on the wrist?
The only reprimand is the one we give ourselves.
"Ugh, I should have bought her flowers."
"Ugh, I should have made him dinner."
And maybe the reaction of our partners too. But in this case we should be fully transparent with them on how we view this holiday.
This leads me to my first tip.
#1. Talk to Your Partner About Your Valentine's Day Wishes
Become clear on how you each view the holiday and your wishes.
There is nothing wrong with sitting down with your significant other and saying, "hey, what do you think about Valentine's Day? Do you want to celebrate together? What would a perfect day look like for you?"
Ask whatever questions you need in order to fully understand their preferences.
Like I mentioned in the beginning, some may see the holiday as a waste of money. Others may see it as a perfect excuse to book a couples massage. Maybe it's the only time of the year they would normally do such a thing!
Ask. Ask. Ask.
Talk with your partner.
We can try our best to assume our partners preferences, but until we actually ask them that is when we will have our true answer. Do not assume you know how your partner likes to celebrate.
With this tip comes allowing your partner the space to be honest with you. Maybe every year you have been doing a certain thing, so be open to the fact that what your partner says might not be what you normally do. It's nothing personal.
Allow them space for their preferences, they will then be more likely to also allow you space for your preferences.
Think of how much deeper of an experience you could have together if you each were able to celebrate in the exact way you wished.
So start the conversation and gain clarity on each others wishes. It will feel so good having this better understanding of each other.
#2. Accept That You May Celebrate Differently Than Those Around You
Building off the last point, we all have our own preferences. This means that when observing other couples around you, how you celebrate may look different from theirs.
Resist comparing, judging, or feeling any type of resentment.
Find it in your heart to express genuine happiness for them.
If your friend's partner always buys his lady a big bouquet of flowers and that's all you've ever craved from your own, then it's up to you to express that to your partner. Do not assume they know what you wish.
In addition, acknowledge that just because your man didn't buy you flowers doesn't speak at all to his love for you. He might be the person that stands on the side of not falling into the holiday. And that is okay. It doesn't make them a bad person. It doesn't mean they don't love you. And it doesn't mean that what they think is wrong.
So keep your eyes to yourself. If your eyes wander to other peoples relationships, look at them with love. Resist catchy any achy feelings of wishing yours was like theirs. Or any feelings that you "should" be celebrating in a particular way.
Do what works best for you and your partner. Do what you both decide is meaningful for your relationship.
#3. Find Some Give & Take
If Valentine's Day is special to you and not your partner, find a way to meet in the middle.
When you agreed to pair up for this life together, you made a commitment to each other. And part of this commitment is being able to compromise. To be able to find a space where you can both receive what you need. A place where you can find flexibility to offer the other, while also not letting what you need as individuals fall to the wayside.
Resist gripping too tightly to what you wish. This will make it very challenging for the two of you to find middle ground.
Resist letting go of your true wishes and not speaking them into existence. This will create resentment within you.
Open your heart to your partner. Treat them the way you wish to be treated. If you ask for their willingness to listen to you, then you must be willing to offer them the same thing.
Do not bring up the past. Speak to your partner in this present moment on this present topic. This is not about any past Valentine's Days. It is unfair to create a running list of "strikes" against your partner. Simply talk to them for what the conversation is now. Which is how you prefer to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Finding middle ground is a team activity. It cannot be done with efforts from only one side. It requires give and take from each party. You love this person and chose them to be "your person." Put in the efforts to create a kick ass relationship together. It's worth it.
#4. Write Them a Love Note
I am a big fan of expressing gratitude. Gratitude to the Universe (God, Spirit, whichever higher power you believe in), gratitude to myself, gratitude to others, gratitude all around. It just feels good, you know?
Gratitude puts everyone in a good space. It puts the person expressing the thanks in a spot of abundance for all they have, and it puts the receiver in a spot of appreciation. This creates a path for more abundance and gratitude to flow.
How often do you express gratitude to your partner?
Choose to express gratitude for them by writing a love note.
NOT VIA TEXT!!!!!
It must be hand written on a piece of paper. It could be on a post it note, lined paper, construction paper, the back of one of your favorite photographs. Anything. It could be in lipstick all over the bathroom mirror. Be creative, be simple. Be whatever you feel fits best with you!
P.S. Bonus points if you can still fold notes like the little footballs in high school.
This is not meant to take you all day. This is not meant to knock you off your rocker. Do not make it more difficult than it needs to be. Just take a few minutes to write to your partner some of the things you love & appreciate about them.
This is our life. This is it. We do not get to go back in time. We only move forward. In each moment, it is the most time we will ever have. Our clocks only move forwards, and our time is never guaranteed here. Do not wait for the end of your life to tell your partner how much you love them, your favorite qualities about them, or your favorite memories with them. Do it now.
Whatever you choose to write is the perfect thing. The fact that you are writing to them is all that matters. It does not need to be a beautifully articulated poem. It only needs to come from your heart, whatever form it takes is perfect.
You could write about a quality you admire about them. What is it about their personality that attracted you to them? What else do you just love them for? Maybe you're gaga over your man's smile, or your lady's butt! Make it fun & silly, make it sentimental & romantic.
You could write about a favorite memory you have together. Or something you partner has said that resonated with you and changed your life.
Again, whatever feels right for you in that moment is what to go with. Do not second guess yourself.
#5. However You Choose to Celebrate, Still Eat Some Chocolate!
Did you know there is evidence that points to chocolate decreasing your risk of heart disease?
Gimme all the chocolate!!
Okay, I don't think it actually works like that. But honestly, enjoy your day whether you decide to label it as Valentine's Day or Sunday February 14th. It's your choice. And no one is holding you accountable for choosing one or the other.
And if chocolate isn't your thing, then choose what is your thing. For me, I'm a big fan of chocolate covered pineapple dipped in crushed walnuts! It's one of my favorite sweet treats to make, so simple and so delicious. A bit more exciting than your basic chocolate covered strawberries. (But let's be honest, those are outstanding also).
In Conclusion
So how will you move forward with these tips in mind?
Will you sit down and talk with your partner about how you each prefer to celebrate Valentine's Day (if at all)? Will you silence the chatter in your mind that compares how other couples around you/advertisers try to influence you to celebrate?
If anything, I hope you at least have some chocolate.
Just kidding. What I really mean to say is that if anything I hope you take point #4 with you and write your partner a love note. A simple post it note stuck to their steering wheel that says, "I've always loved your smile." Or a more in depth note that talks about why you love them and revisits the first time you saw them.
If you are looking for a deeper and more intimate relationship with your partner, I believe gratitude is a way to get there. Gratitude and the willingness to have open and honest conversations. And so much more of course, but if I had to pick my top 2, that's what I would choose.
In review, 5 tips to survive Valentine's Day are:
Talk to Your Partner About Your Valentine's Day Wishes
Accept That You May Celebrate Differently Than Those Around You
Find Some Give & Take
Write Them a Love Note
However You Choose to Celebrate, Still Eat Some Chocolate!
I hope you all enjoyed these tips. I would love to hear your takeaways!
With gratitude,
Kayla
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